Writer's Rides: The MudBug Speaks!

As discussed before, my ’74 Baja Bug is a bittersweet project car that succeeds in simultaneously driving me nuts while making me grin from ear to ear like a fool. Luckily, during my spring break last week, the Beetle did nothing but make me smile. On the last day before I shipped back up to Norman, we pushed the Bug out in to the Texas sunlight as I began the starting process.  After prodding the worn ignition cylinder multiple times with the freshly cut keys, I stabbed the starter button repeatedly while stamping on the recalcitrant gas pedal, forcing me to hold my breath against the acrid gas fumes that began to flood into the cabin. After 5 minutes of listening to the starter whine, I was ready to give up and push the bastard back into the garage. However, I kept jabbing the button, and mercifully, the Beetle coughed to life with a throaty bark. Not wishing to squander this rare moment of mechanical cooperation, I tossed my Nikon to my dad, instructing him to film the Beetle in all of its rumbling, air-cooled glory. Take a look at my infamous MudBug in the video above, lined up next to its automotive brethren.  

P.S More info on the 911 soon. Stay tuned!

Cats in a Cage: The Unexpected XJ Wonderland

About a week ago, after a couple rounds of skeet in North Dallas, I was cruising around a few industrial back roads when I stumbled upon something quite incredible. Ensconced in the heart of an industrial warehouse and workshop complex, a fenced in lot holds untold wonders, primarily of English persuasion.

Upon first glance, my eager eyes could barely register what I had stumbled upon. Within the relatively well manicured lot were rows upon rows upon rows of classic Jaguars that lay dormant and silent behind lines of chain-link.  The bulk of the rusting saloons were composed of every generation of Jaguar XJs, from the revolutionary styled Series I, the unreliable-yet-charming Series II, to the clean Pininfarina penned lines of the Series III. Thrown in among the XJs was a smattering of XJSs, their swooping, graceful lines slowly rusting and fading in the hot Texas sun. Normally, such abandonment of British classics would raise my ire, but as I moved around the fence, I realized something. The rows were too orderly, too neat, too caring for a junkyard. The grass was somewhat maintained, the glass blissfully unbroken, and the tires inflated. How odd, this seemed, to leave rows of traditional British saloons exposed to the elements, yet to care enough to ensure that the cars were not in a complete state of disrepair. This also was not a parts yard, as the headlights, trim, glass, and hoods were all present on most of the Jags. What was going on here???

It was not until I visited a nearby shop that I learned the purpose of the decaying beauties. Apparently, the lot is a holding pen for Jaguars awaiting a small-block conversion from the adjoining shop. How fantastic! Many late ‘60s and early ‘70s European and Japanese cars were blessed with sumptuously designed bodies, yet cursed with limp engines choked by restrictive emissions systems, weak transmissions, and hapless performance capabilities. Rebuilds are costly, and often maintenance can be painfully complicated. With a small-block transplant, these aged classics gain a new lease on life. The Chevy 350 Small-Block is the tried and true workhorse engine of America. It combines bulletproof reliability with immense performance potential. Parts and components are plentiful, with over 90,000,000 small blocks produced since its introduction in 1955. These days, the 350 has found itself crammed in every engine bay imaginable, from MGBs all the way to Porsche 944s. This Jaguar conversion shop makes perfect sense, as both XJs and XJSs are vaunted for their styling, availability, and cheap prices. With a 350 beating under the hoods of these stately sedans and voluptuous coupes, they become a classy alternative to brutish and heavy American metal. So the next time you hear the legendary rumble of a Chevy, look for the source. What you find may surprise you!

Neon R/T: Ghosts of a Bygone Era

Photo credit: Car and Driver

Small, front wheel drive four-pot high performance cars are some of my favorite vehicles on the road. These “pocket rockets” have the daily drivability and gas mileage of a basic four cylinder economy car, with a little bit of something else thrown in the mix. One analogy that often comes to mind with these pocket rockets is a bowl of grits. Plain grits, without any seasoning or additions, are inherently quite bland. Basic econobox sedans and coupes unfortunately fall under the umbrella of these “plain grits”. They get the job done, but are quite joyless about it. There is no pizzazz, no verve, and no spirit about the way they get you to point A. Now, these performance models are the spicy, seasoned grits that require half a gallon of water just to choke down. With the exception of slightly warmed over “sport” models that change nothing but the wheels and badges, these feisty powerhouses often take high performance engines, sport tuned suspensions, and beefy transmissions, and cram them into the cheap, light shell of an econobox. Cars like the Cobalt SS Turbo, Shelby Omni GLHS, and the Integra R cement the whole “cheap and cheerful” mentality for those who want performance AND usability. Often with huge wings, flashy graphics, and large wheels, I always stop to admire these tuned terrors.

Whenever I stumble out of my dorm building on my way to class, I always cast a sideways glance at the Flame Red Dodge Neon R/T sedan parked front and center in the student priority parking section. With its “2.0 Magnum”  and “R/T” badges, 5 speed tranny, dual exhaust, and large wheels, the R/T Neon seems to play the part of a hard-line sportscar, but unfortunately falls prey to lackluster performance figures.  Its 150 horsepower engine fails to divvy up the power necessary to move the 2800 lb. bulk in anything but a moderately nippy pace. Despite these dreary performance handicaps, the Neon always catches my attention for a few reasons. One, it is quite uncommon. And two, it carries the storied R/T badge, which I find a bit ironic.

Back in the 60’s and early 70’s, any Dodge cars wearing the R/T badge were tarmac burners who terrorized pony cars from stoplight-to-stoplight. The Road/Track designated muscle car bruisers were known for their big engines, big bodies, and beefy suspensions set for the drag strip. As Dodge continued to slap the R/T badge on to models well into the ‘80s and 90’s, the R/T badge began to show up on some less-than stellar performers. Models like the Durango and Aspen were limp underachievers that slowly undermined the respect that R/T had built up from the ‘60s, with R/T eventually finding its way on the Stratus, Journey, and the car in question, the Neon. Virtually every Dodge vehicle found a sporty sibling with a shiny R/T badge. In the mid 70’s when the gas crisis struck a V8-obsessed America, the scramble for small, front wheel drive cars contributed to the death of the large, heavy, and quite thirsty muscle car formula. The Neon is a direct descendant of this malaise-era mentality of small engine, low performance, high mileage economy models.  Not content with contributing to the downfall of the muscle car era, the Neon becomes an unholy abomination who unsuccessfully attempts to cannibalize the identity of its fallen brethren. It becomes, in my mind, the complete opposite of what it tries to mimic. Instead of causing me to recall the epic 426 Coronet, Challenger, or Charger, I think of bailouts, outdated chassis, and poor quality. The R/T badge is something to be venerated, not slapped willy nilly on any four wheeled product that rolls out of Detroit.

This extreme badge dilution brings a bit of melancholy to my mind. While I am well aware that the “true” modern performance Dodge vehicles proudly wear the SRT badge, I find the R/T badge a bit more meaningful. In my mind, it’s something akin to the memory of an old friend. The badge is a remainder from the “good ‘ol days”, days full of quarter miles and stoplight burnouts. The Street Racing Technology line doesn’t do much for me. It’s right there, in the name: Street. While yes, these modern cars are more powerful than their R/T counterparts, R/T signifies something a bit wilder, a demon not quite comfortable with life on the street. Road/Track signifies a duality within the name that holds so much more power than other competitors. SuperSport (SS), GT, GTO, these names, outside of those in the know, don’t signify much. Road/Track bluntly outlines what this vehicle was created to do.  R/T cars from yore were delegated to track duty on weekends, followed by a splash of racing between the lights on the drive home. In short, Dodge, it’s time to reclaim the crown. Put the Track back into Road/Track!

Bentley EXP9F: Excess or Excellence?

With the recent reveal of the Bentley EXP9F SUV concept at the 2012 Geneva Auto show, various forums and pundits have been up in arms about the controversial luxo-brusier. The EXP9F joins the lucrative “high luxury” SUV market, which includes models from next to every major luxury automotive manufacturer in the world. Many people, however, do not believe that Bentley should betray its rich and storied history, as Bentley has never mass-produced an SUV before. Many think Bentley is simply jumping on the performance SUV bandwagon, along with other turncoats like Porsche and Maserati, and will lead to nothing but brand-dilution.

With the EXP9F, however, it seems to be carving out its own specific niche in the market. The most expensive luxury SUVs on sale right now all have high performance dispositions, with high powered engines, sport tuned suspensions, and interiors inspired by the cockpits of high-end sports cars. However, because the EXP9F is a Bentley, things are understandably a bit different. You see, when a well-to-do individual wants a luxurious GT to cruise around in both style and comfort that can be used every day, they have a few paths to choose from. If you want a sporty, fast, and performance oriented GT, the Aston Martin DB9, Porsche 911 Turbo, and Maserati GranTurismo fit the bill rather well. On the other end of the scale, if luxury, interior appointments and ride comfort is your priority, the Bentley Continental GT is the ideal choice. Modern Bentleys always have similar characteristics that are standard across the model range. They feature sumptuous leather, wood and/or brushed metal  interior trimming, state of the art media/infotainment systems, and a ride quality that is unparalleled by anything except perhaps a modern Rolls-Royce, which, depending on the model, usually costs quite a bit more. With the EXP9F, it is business as usual. The seats are large and heavily cushioned affairs, with copious amounts of both leg and headroom. The EXP9F is teeming with every gizmo and gadget imaginable, and the exterior sports the trademark garish Bentley grille that is three sizes too large.

 All of these creature comforts add massive amounts of weight to the vehicle, which only hampers what little performance capabilities this couch-on-wheels already has. Because of the lack of a performance oriented attitude, as well as what is assumed to be a uniquely high price tag, the EXP9F does not have any apparent competitors from other major companies.   The Porsche Cayenne Turbo, Mercedes-Benz G wagon, BMW X6M, and the upcoming Maserati Kubang are the most expensive SUVs on sale today, with prices ranging from $90,000 to $150,000. All of these SUVs are born from companies with rich racing histories, with current model line ups saturated with sports cars and GTs that have racing lineage that can be traced back from decades of race prowess and victories. However, while the Bentley marquee does indeed come from a storied race history, with legendary race cars like the immortal Bentley Blowers, the racing DNA has unfortunately been lost over the ages.

Two of these are legendary race cars, and one is a cushy roadgoing GT. Guess which ones are which....

  Long ago, with the sale to Rolls-Royce in 1931, Bentley eschewed any sports cars in the model lineup, with the exception, perhaps of the legendary Turbo R and the advent of the new Continental GT SuperSports. Because of this, I have little issue with EXP9F going into production. Since the price is sure to be heads and shoulders above the budgets of regular buyers of performance SUVs, and there is little performance history left to abandon, there will be little to no brand dilution. In reality, the EXP9F will perhaps coax a rival Rolls-Royce SUV into production from BMW, which would be a fantastic high-dollar competition that would only be a boon for us interested gear heads.

 When Porsche announced the Cayenne, I was quite disheartened. Porsche has an incredible racing history, with its past model lineup exclusively occupied by low slung sports cars and powerful GTs. As with Maserati and the new Kubang, introducing a sports SUV to a sports car dominated lineup somehow feels cheap. While the SUV does indeed turn incredible profits, it removes the “special” feel of the previous race-inspired models. The entire affair ends up feeling like an exercise in model rebadging, a decision seemingly made by number crunchers, and not fellow automotive enthusiasts, and that ultimately detracts from the “cool factor” of the brand. However, as the Bentley has nothing really substantial to desecrate, the EXP9F does nothing but interest me in the future of the budding ultra-luxury SUV market.

Ford Mk. I Capri: The Sexy European

The Mk I Ford Capri is one of a long list of neat and interesting Ford models that was never released stateside, at least not in great quantities. The Mk. I Capri only ever made it to the states in the guise of a Mercury, which was marketed as, “The Sexy European”. Rightly so, as the Capri was known for its svelte, smoothly aggressive profile. These Americanized Capris were carbon copies of the Euro version right up until 1974, when the popular Mercury coupe became a bloated facsimile of the European Capri. The seductive smooth lines of the Euro Capri were ruined by the introduction of an ungainly, government-mandated impact bumper.

What did remain, however, were Americanized versions of the fantastic engine options from Europe, namely the vaunted Cologne V6. This engine, an extremely popular powerplant overseas, was never produced in mass quantities for America. A very versatile engine, the Cologne V6 provided the power to match the sporting exterior of the Capri. The styling won the favor of buyers, and soon sold over 400,000 models in Europe, causing Ford to continue to Capri line for another 20 years. The aesthetic draw of the Capri provided to be a popular strategy for many budding auto companies, primarily from Japan. This muscle car influence is seen in the Japanese approach to sports cars in the late 60’s and early 70’s, with the first generation Celica and Datsun 240Z. The Capri, along with its Japanese counterparts, had all of the styling benefits of the muscle car era, without the muscle car weight and handling. Due to this blend of both performance and styling, both the Mk. I Ford and Mercury Capri are seen as collector cars, often restored and/or race prepped for a cheap and easy entry into the world of classic car ownership.

Video of the Day: Screamin' V6 edition

I stumbled upon this video a few months back as I was perusing videos of Ferrari 308s, and as the video began, I nearly fell out of my chair when the Capri blasted onto the track from the stables. This Capri has one of the greatest sounding V6 engines I have ever heard, with a wail to rival many classic European roadracers.  Along with the 308 and Capri, there is plenty of other eye candy to keep you occupied as you listen to the Capri scream down the main straight. 

6.0 GTO: Aussie muscle comes to America

My 2005 Torrid Red GTO (Manual)

As we pulled into the half-empty Lowes parking lot this morning, I immediately swung my car around to park next to a large, unassuming coupe. Underneath the rather bullet-like body was none other than a hot-blooded 2005 Pontiac GTO. The re-introduction of the GTO in 2004 was a classic GM exercise in pulling their oversees models to our shore, with GM doing what they do best: Rebadging. In this case, however, they happened to rebadge one hell of a car. Upon reading an extremely favorable review of the Holden Monaro by Car and Driver, the legendary Bob Lutz requested a test drive when he visited Holden in Australia. Finding the Monaro to be well-built, fast, and stylish, he commissioned the performance division of GM to “Americanize” the Monaro for US roads. This involved shifting the steering wheel from right-hand-drive to a left-hand-drive set up, performing an automotive rhinoplasty by transplanting a corporate Pontiac front-clip, and slapping on some Pontiac badges. Initially featuring the tried-and-true 5.7L LS1 in 2004, Pontiac felt as though the GTO needed some power to back up the legendary badge, so in 2005, they quietly slipped a 400 Horsepower 6.0L LS2 V8 under the hood, effectively giving the GTO the hot-blooded attitude it deserved. 

Until the introduction of the Shelby GT500 in 2007, the LS2 GTO was at the top of the muscle car food chain. With this performance shot in the arm, GM created another bittersweet situation where there was a GM car that had the performance to match a Corvette. And in the GM offices, that is quite the no-no. So unfortunately, due to lackluster sales and the new internal competition, the resurrected GTO was quickly killed off, effectively joining the ranks of the other infamous performers who matched the Corvette, including the GNX, WS6 Trans-Am, and the GMC Syclone. Pricing was a little steep at prices starting north of $30k, and many potential buyers defected to the retro-styled Mustang. When production ceased in 2006, only 40,757 GTOs had rolled out of the Holden factory.

The existence of the GTO sets a slightly melancholic pallor over the pre-2010 GM Performance division, as the captive import GTO led to the importation of the Holden VE Commodore, rebadged as a G8. Just like the GTO, the G8 was well-received by the critics, but was a slow-selling, high-priced gas guzzler, and was cut by GM after only two years of production. Pontiac may have gone the way of Oldsmobile and disappeared, but the GTO and the G8 remain fantastic send-offs to the storied performance brand of GM.

(Unfortunately, the GTO pulled away before I could snap a photo. Above is a shot by another photographer)